***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
