I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
