I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i believe in u and ur pee
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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