My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
