He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My room smells like vodka and shame
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Houston, we have a squirter
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
