I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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