I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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