Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
