Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
