super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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