hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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