ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
