Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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