3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
