If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
