who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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