DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am naked and annoyed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
