I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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