You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
