I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
