walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Everyone says I win the strip club
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
