Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
