I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
