by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
