i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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