I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
