The maid of honor just puked.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The struggles of a small town man whore
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
