people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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