The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
