I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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