Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
