I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
