They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
