I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
