I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
