Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
