Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
