I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
