just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
