We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
