he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This is the prime rib incident all over again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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