piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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