so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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