haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
