Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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