Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
