if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
