I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
