I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
