I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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