I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
