So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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