PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Randomize
