Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
