I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
