You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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