I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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