i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pants are for mortals
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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