i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
