You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if only i could text you this smell
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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