so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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