Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
