The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
