I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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