i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
