my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
