it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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