keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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