obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
