if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize