Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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